A pediatrician on how acknowledging difficult emotions in childhood builds a foundation for lifelong mental health.
Our current mental health landscape shows a steady increase in adult anxiety and depression, and much of this is rooted in the emotional imprints we received as children.
As a pediatrician, I know we all want our kids to be happy, but how we respond to their unhappiness is actually far more important. Many of us were raised in authoritarian environments where we didn't have a voice, leading to feelings of powerlessness.
If we were told to "stop crying" or were sent to our rooms when upset, we learned to deal with big feelings through repression or aggression.
As adults, this baggage often looks like mindlessly scrolling social media or becoming obsessively busy at work just to avoid our inner worlds—and we frequently carry that same baggage into our own parenting. We have the power to break that cycle by prioritizing the world within our children today.
When children feel safe and free of judgment, their neurological systems become fully operational.
I know it feels heavy to realize how much our reactions matter, but it is also a tremendous opportunity.
By supporting their emotional well-being now, we make future learning effortless and infinite. It’s okay if you didn’t have this growing up—you can learn it along with them. Here's a few ways you can support them:
Name the Emotion First
Acknowledging feelings is perhaps the most underrated parenting skill known to mankind.
I know it feels simple—maybe too simple—but behavior is communication, and kids don't act right when they don't feel right. If they are hitting, whining, or acting out, there is an underlying emotion that needs a name.
By naming the emotion for them—"You seem frustrated that the block fell"—you give them the tools to understand their own internal state. This validation is the best way to help a child get through a feeling rather than getting stuck in it. Without this step, they will be deaf to even your finest explanations.
I know you want to get to the lesson, the fix, or the apology quickly. But your kids need to know you are on their side before they can cooperate. Naming the feeling is the bridge to cooperation.
It lays the groundwork for raising a person who respects the needs and feelings of others. Even when it’s hard to find the right words because you are frustrated too, a simple "You look sad" can change the entire mood of a room. Try naming it before fixing it.
Move from Repression to Expression
The urge to be in control can be overwhelmingly strong, especially when your house feels chaotic. But powerlessness in childhood can turn into aggression or bullying behavior later in life. Instead, we want to raise children who choose expression over repression.
This means creating an environment where they feel safe enough to reach for a journal, call a friend, or speak to a therapist when life gets hard later on. They learn the vital truth that "all of me is welcome"—even the messy parts.
We must accept all of them: the happy bits, the sad bits, and the angry bits. I know it’s exhausting to deal with the angry bits, especially when you are already running on empty. But when a child knows their whole self is welcome, they learn to lean into their feelings and then let them go.
Let Them Be Unhappy
This is the secret to raising adults who are resilient and compassionate. I know you are doing your best to keep your children happy, but letting them be unhappy with you is where the real magic happens. Hold that space, and they will thank you, much later.
Dr. Camilla Gupta is a board-certified pediatrician at ABC Pediatrics in Corpus Christi, TX.
Visit her main website to book a prenatal visit, transfer care or book an appointment.
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