The Power of Pacing: Why Letting Your Child Walk Away From a Challenge Is the Best Way to Build Grit
When our children hesitate at the edge of something new, our instinct is to push. But allowing them the space to step back might just be the secret to raising truly resilient kids.
Have you ever felt frustrated when your child seems to back away from a challenge?
Maybe they were excited about the "big kid" slide at the pool, but then they froze at the top and walked back down.
As a mom, your instinct might be to push them: "Come on, I know you can do it! The small slide is for babies!".
We want them to have that "win" so badly, but sometimes our pushing actually backfires and decreases their confidence.
Think of your child's motivation like a running leap.
Just like a person has to back up before they can jump across a wide stream, children often need to back up to gain the confidence they need for a big challenge.
That little girl who walked away from the big slide went straight to the toddler splash pad and mastered the baby slide first.
She wasn't quitting; she was building self-trust.
When we recognize this, we can stop the exhausting work of trying to be our child's motivation.
Next time it looks like your child is backing away from a challenge, try to stay curious instead of anxious.
Ask yourself: "How are they preparing themselves right now?"
When we stop pushing, we allow their intrinsic motivation to take the lead.
When they feel ready, they will come back to the challenge.
Next time your little one hesitates, take a deep breath and do... nothing.
Look for how they are already preparing themselves!
Instead of pushing, just describe what they are doing: "You’re practicing on the small slide to build your confidence for the big one! It’s working!"
This turns their self-doubt into self-trust and gives them a tool for life.
Dr. Camilla Gupta is a board-certified pediatrician at ABC Pediatrics in Corpus Christi, TX.
Visit her main website to book a prenatal visit, transfer care or book an appointment.