Insights from an expert pediatrician on breaking the cycle of parental anxiety and building childhood confidence.
When one of my little ones looks up at me with big, teary eyes, my nervous system reacts as if I’ve just discovered the kitchen is on fire.
This is what I call the “mommy bat signal,” an instant, magical transfer of distress where my child's emergency becomes my own.
It is physically painful to see them in pain, and our entire body screams for us to fix it immediately.
Our biological instinct is to become a "one-woman emotional SWAT team" and rescue them from their discomfort.
I’ve done it more times than I can count—answering for them when they’re shy or letting them into the big bed just to stop the crying.
We do this because we love them so deeply, and seeing them struggle feels like we are failing to protect them.
While it’s natural to want to eliminate their distress, we have to be careful not to "parent for comfort" at the expense of "parenting for confidence".
When we always remove the obstacle, we inadvertently teach our kids that hard feelings are an emergency.
Our actions shout that the feeling is a problem, which can actually increase their long-term anxiety.
Instead of jumping in to fix every feeling, try to be their warm, steady anchor.
I know how hard it is to stay calm when they are screaming, but you are lending them your nervous system.
Your steady presence helps them learn that they have "handleability"—the deep belief that "I can handle it," even when things are hard.
Dr. Camilla Gupta is a board-certified pediatrician at ABC Pediatrics in Corpus Christi, TX.
Visit her main website to book a prenatal visit, transfer care or book an appointment.